Over the hill to the county line, crying,

I finished Saiunkoku Monogatori today, and cried all the way through the last few episodes- the comparisons they made between Sa Sakujun and Shi Ryuuki, that the only difference between them was the number of people they had to love was very depressing. The whole, Sakujun threatening to kill Shi Seiran thing, because he "wouldn't let someone who had others to love" take away the only person Sakujun did, was depressing in itself, mostly beacause I related to that feeling.


When you have precious few individuals that you honestly care for, you get horribly jealous of people who take those individuals away from you, people who don't need them, taking them without even realizing how much you need them.

Because there's so few people you can say you love, you treasure them all the more. The more people you claim to love, the less love you have to give them. The fewer people you love, the deeper you can afford to love them. If that care is too deep, they can't understand it, and it terrifies them, so you have to restrain yourself, because you'll lose them. But those sorts of people who can't understand the purity of that kind of care can't return it, so you end up burning yourself either way.

I've stopped enjoying the group-yay anime series as much, as well as school-based series, probably for that reason.

The world is made up of balance and reciprocity. For all my luck in work, school and travel, I'm cursed when it comes to people.